Did someone cough or sneeze on you lately? Have you been watching the news, saw how people are dropping dead from the Ebola virus in Western Africa these days? Well I’d love to tell you there’s nothing to worry about, since Africa is most probably far away from where you are, but that isn’t such a decisive factor.

Guinea, Liberia, Sierra Leone and Nigeria are the countries most affected by the virus so far, with over  1200 people dead. Just like the Ebola outbreak in Sudan in 1979 or the one in Uganda in 2000-2001, the majority of people affected are women. And that is normal and there isn’t anything misogynistic about it, as some European and American press would so hastily suggest. Women are basically the caregivers in the African world [and most of the planet, for that matter], so they are the most likely to enter in contact with the diseased and therefore, susceptible to the virus.

An Ebola Outbreak in the Western World, a Major Threat For Our Warmongering Plans?

Now all the conspiracy theorists are kind of bored of Ebola, since it’s a reinvented virus, already known to humans. It definitely doesn’t have that apocalyptic glamour that AH1N1 had, making you wear surgical masks on the street and feel like the world is ending. Basically in the disease world Ebola is as outdated as a Dr. Alban song, yet still it has the power to come back and threaten humankind.

However, all it takes is one infected Nigerian businessman passing through, let’s say, Africa’s biggest international airport and in the Western world and boom, there you have it, London’s fucked. Mr Okechukwu has some business in New York too? Bang, quarantine on the Statue of Liberty.

“I’m about a five minute walk from the airport where they’re bringing the Ebola carrier. I’m sure they have it all contained and crap, but if it does lead to an outbreak, guess who’s getting hit first? Yeah, me. I don’t understand much about Ebola, but I know it’s bad news. When I tell my friends, they call me paranoid. I think I should be at least a little concerned. Someone with a deadly virus is going to be within walking distance. I don’t want to die a virgin or anything. Girls don’t tend to find Ebola very attractive (I don’t speak for all women, but I think it’s a safe bet).”

An Internet user, paranoid to the bone, afraid of dying a virgin because of Ebola –

In conclusion, being on the verge of World War III and all, it would be just a bit too ironic for humanity to have to deal with an Ebola outbreak anywhere else than in a low-population-density setting.  Having to contain the virus spread in a large city [imagine Moscow, for example] would only impede our current quest for an atomic war, which would simply be a pity after all the costly build-up made by the Gaza rockets and the Ukraine tanks. So yeah, did someone cough or sneeze on you lately? Go wash your hands and start worrying.

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